First of, thank you for all the kind comments from yesterdays Thankful Thursday. I have fallen behind yet again in answering the comments and emails. Let's keep it real...
Keeping it Real #1.
Most of you know my mil has congestive heart failure and dementia with mental illness mixed in and her husband (not my husbands father) is a severe epileptic with Parkinson's. Neither of them having driving licenses. We had to take their car from them, court approved of course (we are the court approved guardians and "finance" guru's who also control their banking). They are not responsible at all. We have a nurse come in 3 times a week. Every single day for the past 2 weeks the nurse has sent us out for this or that. Hence the reason for the "talk" yesterday. We.had.had.enough. We went from Pill Pak which worked great, to having them having a fit because it was too difficult to understand too having to go to Walmart to pick up prescriptions (way to many to's in that sentence, sorry about that). It wouldn't bother us so much, but neither of them have left the house in nearly 3 years, except for doctor appointments, which also have gotten out of hand. They do very little to help, if anything, their wants have out lasted their needs. They don't take any responsibility none, zip. Actually, I think they think it is darn right funny. She/ mil actually made the comment yesterday, "What the "f" is the big deal, you don't have anything to do!" Excuse me...so...its only getting worse and will remain so.
Onwards to Keeping it Real #2...
Court ordered $300 a month is suppose to go us. Half the time they/the in-laws don't have it. Especially with a $480 gas bill each month. I treated myself yesterday to Finger Lakes Opoly. Sounds like fun. Don't worry, receipts are kept just incase the court needs to see them. Again, my house has been overrun with their "stuff". Sounds like I am complaining. There is no support system, my husbands siblings refuse to help. The situation is only going to get worse (I keep saying that to prepare myself).
Keeping it Real #3.
My husband said, "My mother has caused you to start drinking, huh?" Nah, he knows I use Guinness to cook the corned beef and other roasts. Besides, just keeping it real, I do like a good Guinness every so often. Besides, our house is always open to his Marine buddies who often stop by to reminisce.
It's been one of those weeks or last 2 weeks. We told all parties involved, "Don't bother us next week, we won't be around." We realized it has been our fault for not keeping boundaries.
Linda - so sorry to hear of all of this. Sounds very stressful. Wishing you peace and courage as you deal with everyday "stuff." Hugs from UT.
ReplyDeleteOh it is stressful...and only going to get worse. sigh.
DeleteGood for you on setting the boundaries back up. You need that, because you are, unfortunately, correct about it getting worse with the dementia in there. You do not even want to know the things I see on a daily basis. Let's just say I can understand how these folks were thought to be demon possessed back in the day.
ReplyDeleteOn to happier things...how do you cook your corned beef in Guinness? I need to know this! I am the cooker of the St. Patty's day meal but I've never heard of that.
Have a blessed day, my friend, and try to stay warm!
Don't use any other liquid-no water no broth. Just use the Guinness. Keep an eye on it and if it does get low on the beer, then add some water or keep adding beer. I prefer the beer method, LOL. It's that simple. Some ppl add brown sugar to the mix, I don't. We like the stoutness of the Guinness.
DeleteLinda, I am also sorry for this extremely stressful situation with no support. Your situation is harder than many. I want to mention something that worked for me. I don't know about Steuben County (and it doesn't matter if these elders live in a different county; it's where you and your husband live as caregivers) but Broome County has an Office for Aging. I called them several times over the years and there was always a patient ear willing to listen. It's free and no obligation to participate in any programs - but there may be something out there that would help you out. I hope the same exists where you are. We did luck out with Broome County. I wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, we use the Steuben County Office for Aging. Unfort neither of them adapt well for change i.e. such as getting transportation to and forth for dr.'s appointments, they do get Meals on Wheels and the Heap as been used up. Its just a mess, unfort. they (in-laws) are not willing to adapt, change or even give in a little to help us or one another. Both are bitter angry people and we are the devil sort of attitude.
DeleteOy, sounds very stressful. do you think moving them out of the house and into a more restrictive, care-oriented environment would be helpful? Is there any barrier to selling the house, other than that a sibling is living there?
ReplyDeleteOh....that is a mess in itself. The barrier is they owe too much on the house and we couldn't sell it due to that. Tax assessors claim the house is worth $75,000 but they are paying back double that. PLUS, neither of them make enough to enter a asst. living home.
DeletePraying that you will find some reasonable answers and help for your situation, which sound like it has gotten out of your ability to continue to take care of them. It may be time to consider some other options, for their own safety and protection as well as your own mental health. We've been through this and understand your heartaches. Praying for you now.
ReplyDeleteI know a lot of folks have been through it...not meaning to dump on anyone...unfort they owe to much on the house etc...and they don't make enough for the asst. living.
DeleteBeing a caretaker is not a fun task. Praying you'll find some relief and the answers you need.
ReplyDeleteThank you Cathy. smiles
DeleteToo much. Just way too much. I don't think decades ago things were this bad. Odd stuff going on in these days.
ReplyDeletePraying for permanent relief for you.
Honestly, Annie...they refuse to bend even a little to help. They are so angry and bitter. I get it, truly I do...but come on...get with the program folks.
DeleteWow, and I thought our week was stressful with Althea dying by inches! My tummy is in constant knots. You win the Award for that (I know, you'd rather not! ... *lol*). Isn't it fun though ... *rolling my eyes* Thank you for keeping us up-to-date. I pray for y'all. Now I'm glad I do. One never knows what one's friends are having to deal with day to day but God does. Proud of ya too.
ReplyDeleteLove ya ~:)
Love you too...keeping Ms. Althea in prayer.
DeleteOh, I can so sympathize and empathize! We take care of my mother and it's getting very, very challenging. I feel like it's right on the cusp of needing professional help (in-home care? placement?). Not really sure what to do at this point. All I know is it's difficult and stressful.
ReplyDeleteI know...same here...they have in home care 3 days a week...unfort...neither of my in-laws are willing to bend or do the extra to make things easier...we just don't know what to do...or more that can be done.
Deleteso sorry Spare Parts and Pics...I think the real reason why we try so hard and do what we do, is that we are commanded by God to do so...plus, our adult son sees us doing this...I am sure our time will come...and that is the sad reality of all this.
Oh they certainly sound like a challenge! Just hang in there!
ReplyDeleteOh they are. sigh.
DeleteGood grief, Linda. Just reading about the abuse you've been getting from the MIL makes me want to take up heavy drinking! Thank goodness you and David have each other to lean on. HUGS!
ReplyDeleteI don't think drinking will have the affect needed, LOLOL.
DeleteI am so sorry for all you guys are going through. Yes to setting the boundaries!
ReplyDeleteThanks Terri.
Delete"... Especially with a $480 gas bill each month."
ReplyDeleteWow...I am guessing it is very cold there and they heat with it?
I think you will be glad you did the right thing. I think you won't regret taking care of them. But...if they can do more, maybe you could suggest it? Thank God for the court and you guys, though. I mean, what would they do otherwise?
UUUUGH! You have dealt with so much from them for so long. What a mess!
ReplyDelete